So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
