that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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