I hope mine doesn't look like that
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
