There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
