my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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