Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
