If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
