True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
