so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
