i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
