So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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