If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
