SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
