I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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