Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
