I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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