i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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