last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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