PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
