Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
