I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
