Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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