drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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