I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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