I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
