he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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