Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
