I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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