im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.