Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON