woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
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Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
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The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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