New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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