As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
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bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.