reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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