he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
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I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.