Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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