Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
