i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
