My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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