i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
