woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
sarcasm needs its own font
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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