We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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