If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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