im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
