You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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