dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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