A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
