Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
