Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
