I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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