So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
