My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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