i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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