So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
