if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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