I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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