I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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