Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
