Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
