I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
