It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
