Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
