Buhtt sex?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
