Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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