never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
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Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
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Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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