I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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