I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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