I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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