He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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