We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm passing your future prison.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
