Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
