so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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