hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
