I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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