I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
