I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
